Battling ADHD & Autism Parent Burnout: How Parents Can Support Neurodivergent Kids Through the Holidays Without Burnout
ADHD, Autism, Other Neurodivergence & The Holidays
The fall and winter holiday season can be a time of anticipation, excitement, and traditions. For neurodivergent kids and families, holiday enjoyment is often enhanced when care is taken to avoid overextending or overwhelming family members with expectations that don’t align with their needs or abilities. Heightened emotions during the holidays can be both thrilling and dysregulating for neurodivergent kids, their siblings, and for their parents. Taking care to balance the wants and needs of the family can reduce the added pressures of the holiday season and help to prevent parental burnout as well as burnout for your kids.
Holidays with Autism, ADHD, and Other Neurotypes to Consider
It might be challenging at first to adjust family traditions or celebrations to support the needs of ADHD, autistic, AuDHD, and other neurodivergent kids or parents, but taking time to reflect on holiday plans and adjusting them to meet the needs of all members of the family can help achieve the goal of happy holidays and a happier family. This may mean that your holiday celebration looks different than other families or even from past celebrations with your own family.
Reflecting on what is most important for you and your family this holiday season, and what is realistic for the developmental stages, capacities, and needs of your family members can help shape realistic goals and guide you in what to prioritize and what to let go of for this holiday season. Trying to do too much, or expecting children or parents to function well beyond their capacities or with inadequate rest and support sets the stage for physical and emotional overwhelm, which can result in conflicts, meltdowns, and disappointments, and can lead to burnout.
Considerations for Neurodiversity-Affirming Holiday Celebrations
Although every child and every family is different, some common challenges or priorities to keep in mind when making your holiday plans include the following:
Neurodivergent Needs May Conflict With Family or Cultural Norms
Holiday traditions can sometimes clash with personal comfort. Whether it’s the expectation to hug relatives, make small talk about school or friends, graciously give or receive gifts, sit at the dining table throughout a long meal, or play quietly during gatherings, these moments can feel overwhelming or even distressing. Although gratitude and shared family time are often hallmarks of the holidays, expectations to express and connect in conventionally neurotypical ways can feel unnatural for neurodivergent family members.
Reflect on what you know about your child and talk with them about their needs and their concerns for the holidays and related celebrations. Help them problem-solve ways to participate authentically and comfortably, such as waving greetings from a comfortable distance; packing a meal of familiar, safe foods to enjoy alongside the family meal; or bringing a book, handheld game, or quiet activity to engage with when feeling socially drained or over stimulated. If necessary, communicate with extended family or friends in advance to allow them to adjust their expectations and accommodate what your child and family need in order to participate. If opting out of activities that would be too stressful is the right choice for now, say no thank you with confidence, knowing that you are prioritizing your family’s needs over people-pleasing others.
Parents May Seek to Reduce Emotional Dysregulation
The excitement of the holidays can quickly swing into overwhelm. Big feelings, whether from anticipation or disappointment, can escalate into meltdowns. These heightened emotions aren’t a sign of ungratefulness, but a natural response to sensory and emotional overload; disrupted sleep schedules; changes in routine; and lack of predictability that can set neurodivergent kids up for dysregulation. Attending to your child’s needs for high or low stimulus, alone time, regulating sensory input, or support knowing what to expect from holiday plans can help reduce dysregulated emotions. It may be useful to build in ample time for rest, time spent with interests, and other forms of recharging or discharging in between holiday commitments to help you and your child stay in balance throughout the holidays.
Autistic, ADHD, or Other Neurodivergent Kids May Fear of Judgment or Rejection
Many autistic, ADHD, or other neurodivergent kids are very sensitive to how they are being perceived by others and also may worry about how their unique needs affect others. They may feel anxious about being judged or excluded during family gatherings or traditions. They may also express concern about how their needs are negatively impacting the holiday experiences of siblings, parents, or extended family. These feelings can overshadow their ability to enjoy the season.
To ease these worries, think about ways to celebrate that meet the needs of everyone in your family. This may mean celebrating some aspects of the holidays in smaller family groupings or modifying other activities to be more inclusive. Emphasize the importance of valuing and considering everyone’s needs to reduce the likelihood that your neurodivergent family member will feel like a burden during the holidays or feel pressure to push themselves past their limit.
Be sure to consider your own needs and factor them in as well when making holiday plans, and monitor yourself for signs of parental burnout. If you want your child to understand that their needs are important and are not a burden, it’s crucial that your actions align with that message. When you respect your own boundaries and prioritize your well-being, you show them that it’s not only okay to advocate for needs but that doing so creates a healthier and happier holiday experience for everyone. It also decreases the likelihood that you will feel overextended and burnt out by the end of the holidays, allowing you to have well-deserved moments of joyful connection and restoration throughout the season.
More Support for Parents of Neurodivergent Kids During the Holidays
If you’re looking for additional ways to support your neurodivergent child during the holidays and prevent your own experience of overwhelm or burnout, this ADHD Online article offers more advice and useful tips from me and other experts. Shore Therapy’s online classes focused on preventing neurodivergent parent burnout can be another valuable resource for parents of neurodivergent kids who are concerned about burnout during the holidays, or any time of year, or read more about how to support neurodivergent parenting without burnout.
Remember that focusing on small wins over big pressures can help your child and family experience meaningful moments of togetherness and celebration during the holidays that honor your child’s needs and your family’s values. Adapting your traditions to reflect your family’s unique needs not only fosters connection but also sets a powerful example of inclusion and self-acceptance and helps everyone feel good about themselves this season. There are few gifts better than that.
Therapy Support to Help Neurodivergent Parents Lower Holiday Stress
At Shore Therapy, I specialize in supporting individuals experiencing burnout, anxiety, trauma, and PTSD using evidence-based approaches like IFS-informed parts work and EMDR therapy as a certified EMDR therapist. My practice is inclusive and welcoming to people of all genders and neurotypes, with a special focus on affirming therapy for LGBTQIA+ clients and neurodivergent adults, as well as therapy for parents of neurodivergent children. I offer both in-person therapy in Evanston, serving Chicago and the North Shore, and online therapy in over 40 states as a PSYPACT psychologist.
If you’re curious about how I can help, read more about me, explore answers to frequently asked questions, or schedule a free 15-minute consultation call to learn more.
Additionally, Shore Therapy’s online courses provide accessible support for parents of neurodivergent kids. Designed to help you manage parenting challenges while prioritizing your well-being, these courses are available worldwide and on-demand, giving you the flexibility to learn at your own pace.
