Travel for Neurodivergent Families: How to Enjoy a Family Vacation Without ADHD or Autistic Parent Burnout
Taking Family Trips with Autism, ADHD, and Other Neurodivergence Without Parent Burnout
As the new year begins and people start to go back to their regular work, school, and home routines, many families are returning from vacations and time spent away from home. As a therapist to parents of neurodivergent kids such as gifted, autistic, PDA, 2e, ADHDer, or other children, I often talk with moms or dads about their struggles or successes with family travel. This can be from past trips; travel over the recent holiday break; or a lack of travel due to barriers unique to their family that can feel overwhelming.
Despite wanting a fun, happy, family experience, many parents of neurodivergent kids return from family vacations reporting feeling depleted and in need of a break to decompress from the stress of the family trip that they just had. If parents wonder, “what is parent burnout and am I at risk?” discussing how they feel when coming back from a family vacation can shed some light on the topic of parent burnout and make the risks of unaddressed parent burnout clearer. Family travel that yielded more struggle, disappointment and fatigue for parents than the restoration, enjoyment, or connection that was desired can result in a depleted dad or meltdown mommy instead of a refreshed parent relishing memories of time enjoyed with their family. This can further discourage parents and can contribute to neurodivergent, ADHD, or autistic parent burnout.
Struggle to Support Needs Can Contribute to Parental Burnout
Some parents of ADHD, autistic, or other neurodivergent kids long for a vacation at this midway point in the school year, finally getting a break from daily stressors or the challenges of advocating for their child’s needs to be met at school. Despite this, they return from family travel expressing regret, sadness, or envy; wishing that their family could travel with the ease that other families seem to have. They may voice frustration with plans made that went awry or fatigue from the stress of tying to manage the needs of family during travel.
Parents who opted out of a family vacation due to feeling overwhelmed by the demands or expense of travel for their family may wrestle with feelings of sadness, resentment, and hopelessness. They may struggle with parental burnout from the lack of restorative time away from their typical daily stressors. However, it does not need to be this way for neurodivergent families or parents of neurodivergent children.
Is Traveling Hard for Autistic People, Neurodivergent Individuals, and Families with Divergent Neurotypes?
Although fulfilling and restorative vacations may look different for autistic, ADHD, or other neurodivergent families, I encourage parents of neurodivergent kids not to be too quick to rule out or give up on the possibility of enjoyable trips for their family. Instead, I suggest approaching family travel with an open mind, flexibility, and an awareness of the needs of their family and the values and goals that make sense for them. If they keep these needs and goals in mind as they consider and plan family vacations, the odds of a gratifying trip are much higher. Letting go of the idea that family vacations need to look a certain way to be enjoyable opens up space to create an experience that can add some joy to your family and sparkle to your role as a parent. This can also support the restoration and growth which helps to reduce parental burnout.
Taking this approach might mean that it is necessary to consider the goals for the family vacation such as togetherness, fun, new experiences, learning, relaxation, or other vacation goals. Then, consider how to achieve those goals in a way that realistically supports the family's needs. This may also mean dismissing family trip ideas that may demand too much from individual family members or not allow for accommodating personal or collective needs.
Focusing on the goals for the vacation and creatively considering how to meet those goals in a way that honors the family’s needs helps to keep stress in balance and allows for positive connection and experiences; making an enjoyable family vacation a more likely outcome. Being realistic about the likes, needs, and capacities of family members and aiming for a family vacation that makes sense and is accessible for their family, may allow for positive experiences and the making of happy memories.
Top Tips for Neurodivergent Family Vacations You Can All Enjoy
I offer the following tips to parents who are trying to plan an enjoyable family vacation without neurodivergent, ADHD, or autistic parent burnout:
Consider the Needs of the Family
The first step to planning an enjoyable family vacation for neurodivergent families is to think about the capacities and the support needs of all of the members of the family. Helpful factors to consider include things such as the varying sensory needs for stimulus or lack of stimulation; physical and social needs/stamina vs. needs for downtime and recharging; eating and sleeping needs; needs for structure, predictability, and routine vs. needs for spontaneity or flexibility; individual interests; desired activities or experiences; and sensitivity to the needs of others.
As you consider the needs of the various family members, it is also important to think about their different capacities so that you can keep these in mind when planning family travel or thinking about how to structure a vacation that can flexibly accommodate different needs.
2. Prioritize Supporting Needs
Once you’ve given some thought to the needs of your family, it is critical that you think about how these needs can effectively be supported or accommodated during your family vacation. If you know that a family member needs quiet, alone time in order to get quality sleep; has dietary restrictions or limited safe foods; or that they start to meltdown after a few hours of social time without a break, planning a family vacation packed with daily sightseeing activities and a shared hotel room with limited accessible dining options may be setting you and your family up for stress and struggle. Instead, think about how you can structure accommodations; support eating, sleeping, and comfort needs; and allow for family members to have their individual needs met without all family members needing to do the same things in the same way at all times.
Bringing comfort or support items from home such as earbuds, electronics, a pillow or stuffy, noise machine or apps, preferred snacks or foods, or fidget objects can help to support needs. Likewise, considering travel accommodations that will allow enough physical space to support different sleep and wake schedules and routines; quiet alone time as well as time together; and sensory support such as a pool or time outdoors in nature can all help to reduce stress and better support needs. Having access to a kitchen or a mini fridge and microwave can help reduce challenges at mealtimes during travel when individual food needs might otherwise be hard to support. Staying somewhere that allows pets may make a calming four-legged travel companion an option if someone in your family relies on a comforting animal for regulation.
Parents normalizing, encouraging, and modeling using supports and taking time away as needed to regulate help to create a family culture of meeting rather than masking needs during travel. These supports can make all the difference between a vacation that is enjoyable for everyone and travel that is difficult and disappointing.
3. Start Small to Support Success and Prevent Burnout
Remember that a family vacation does not need to be a huge ordeal in order to be enjoyed. If it’s too difficult or costly to plan a long-distance trip in a way that supports the needs of your family, think smaller.
A staycation, day trips, short outings to explore places or experiences near you, or even a single overnight close to home may allow your family to experience family time together that feels special and different from the normal routine while reducing costs and travel demands and still keeping your general structure and creature comforts nearby. Exploring local museums, zoos, or theater; kids activities; indoor water parks; local sledding or ski hills; or a walk through the city to gaze at holiday decorations and get a hot chocolate or ice cream treat can feel very special while not overextending any family members to the point that they can’t participate or enjoy the time together.
Making a family evening out of building a snowman or a fire in a fireplace, playing a game, working on a puzzle, roasting marshmallows, snuggling under a blanket on the couch with a pet or favorite stuffed animal, or watching a movie may allow family members to join into activities that work for them while opting out of others. Staying based at home also provides for downtime in a familiar place between more active days, which may support more adventure over time at a pace and with breaks that allow your family to recharge and re-engage rather than become run down.
4. Scaffold to Support Growth and Connection
Once you have figured out the support needs of your family and you have experienced some positive time together during family time at home, short outings, day trips, or an overnight or two, consider if there is room to build on those successes, if desired. At Shore Therapy, many families are located in or near Chicago and have enjoyed shorter trips of a few days or more to nearby areas like the Wisconsin Dells or Lake Geneva; the Harbor Country areas of Michigan such as Union Pier or New Buffalo; or Starved Rock State Park. All of these locations are no more than two or three hours away by car and can offer a lot of vacation activities that feel special while being flexible enough to easily accommodate differing needs and eliminate the stress of long-distance travel.
For families outside of the Chicago area, look for interesting towns or events near you and consider whether shorter car trips might work for your family. Exploring options for staying in an apartment or house as opposed to a hotel might better accommodate sleeping, eating, and physical space needs than shared hotel rooms. This travel tweak might help to preserve some of the supports and structure of home, providing greater ease during this more extended travel.
Once your family has found a location not too far from home that you enjoy, returning to this same area for future trips might lower the stress of travel even more because the whole family will have a better idea of what to expect and what needs can be met with ease at this location. Greater familiarity with your destination might allow for comfort in venturing out even more and exploring the area over time or returning to favorite haunts.
Enjoying the Moments During Family Travel with Neurodivergent Kids
Trying to shoehorn ADHD, autistic, or otherwise neurodivergent children or families into vacations that primarily cater to the needs of neurotypical people sets the stage for stress, struggle, and disappointment. Considering the needs of all of your family members and the goals of family travel are essential first steps in setting your family up for success and satisfaction following a family vacation. Adjusting travel plans to accommodate the needs of your family and taking steps to realistically support your ultimate goals will increase the likelihood of positive moments to remember and a foundation to build from over time as your family’s travel needs evolve. Having an enjoyable vacation break from the stress of daily life can help parents, kids, and families reconnect, recharge, and relax; helping to prevent and heal parent burnout.
Additional Support for Neurodivergent, ADHD, and Autistic Parent Burnout
If you have struggled to find joy and moments of connection on family vacations or feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or distressed about the challenges that you experience as a neurotypical or neurodivergent parent of a neurodivergent child or children, you are not alone. If you are searching for support and guidance to help you find your way back to a life you enjoy, or find more ease in living a life that reflects your values and centers your needs and the needs of your child and family, Shore Therapy’s Online Course for Neurodivergent, ADHD, and Autistic Parent Burnout may be just what you are seeking.
If the added support of neurodivergent-affirming therapy for parent burnout is what you need most right now, I may be also able to help. I am a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in helping people who experience burnout, anxiety, trauma, and PTSD using evidence-based approaches like IFS-informed parts work and EMDR therapy and I am a certified EMDR therapist. My practice is inclusive and welcoming to people of all genders and neurotypes, with a special focus on affirming therapy for LGBTQIA+ clients and neurodivergent adults, as well as therapy for parents of neurodivergent children. I provide online therapy and EMDR therapy online in over 40 states throughout the US, as well as in-person therapy in Evanston, serving Chicago and the North Shore.
If you have more questions about how I can help, read more about me, see answers to frequently asked questions, or schedule a free 15-minute consultation call to learn more.
