What is Social Anxiety and How to Overcome Social Anxiety During the Holidays?
Tips for Coping with Social Anxiety During the Holidays
This season often brings along many opportunities to gather with friends, family, and colleagues to celebrate the end of the year and the approaching holidays. For many people, these get-togethers are a great chance to unwind, connect, and have fun. For others, social events can bring about feelings of discomfort, stress, or even an overwhelming worry about the possibility of doing or saying the wrong thing.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is a high level of fear or anxiety about social situations in which one might be judged by others. This is not limited to situations of formal evaluation like a presentation at work or school but may also include concerns about more subtle judgments such as attending a party and being worried about how your clothing or hair might be perceived; how you may engage in conversations with people you meet; or whether you might get food stuck in your teeth.
People who find themselves preoccupied with, or inhibited by concerns about making social missteps may become stressed thinking about upcoming events; dread social situations; or may try to avoid them altogether. In these cases, the discomfort stemming from the possibility of embarrassing themselves can feel overwhelming, even when the actual consequences of a social slipup such as spilling a drink, not being able to think of something to say during a conversation, or mistakenly calling someone by the wrong name are generally quite small.
Why is Social Anxiety So Uncomfortable and What Are Common Social Anxiety Symptoms?
Our nervous system is wired to protect us from threats in our environment. When we perceive a threat, our body springs into action to defend ourselves, to get away, or to neutralize the threat. The response from our nervous system is rather binary; either it detects a threat and prepares the system for safety, or it does not. Our nervous system is not sophisticated enough to understand that some threats do not present the same danger to our physical safety as others. In the case of social anxiety, the threat that our nervous system is sensing is the anticipated possibility or actual experience of negative social judgment or rejection, and the feared consequence of feeling embarrassed, humiliated, or ashamed.
Accordingly, when the nervous system senses that a social situation may present the threat of humiliation or rejection, it begins a cascade of physiological responses aimed at protecting the system and preparing it to fight, get away from the threat, or reduce the threat through actions like people-pleasing. The nervous system floods the bloodstream with stress hormones including adrenaline and cortisol; and alters breathing patterns and blood circulation to help you survive or escape “attack.” This is why you might notice physical reactions like your heart racing, your breath becoming fast or shallow, queasiness or lightheadedness, sweating or flushing, or other uncomfortable physical reactions or sensations. Ironically, in the case of social anxiety, these physiological reactions may only serve to heighten emotional discomfort due to being increasingly anxious about appearing distressed, and therefore vulnerable to the awareness and judgment of others, in a social situation.
How to Overcome Social Anxiety: How to Cope
A great first step when you notice your anxiety starting to climb is to work to calm your body down so that your emotions don’t become overwhelming. A calmer nervous system gives your brain a signal of safety as opposed to one of threat, and helps you to more effectively use logical thought to bring your emotions back into balance in the moment.
It can also be helpful to notice the impact of anxious thoughts by recognizing and labeling them as thoughts rather than truths, in an effort to neutralize their threatening impact. For instance, If you notice yourself thinking, “I’m going to freeze up and have nothing to say” shift it to, “I just had the thought that I’m going to freeze up and have nothing to say.” This subtle adjustment can help you to disconnect from intense feelings that come from believing that your thoughts are the absolute truth, and can help you to notice that they are just thoughts that your brain generated. This perspective shift can help you to question or challenge these thoughts, or simply lower the intensity of your attachment to them. This may help your thoughts to feel less threatening to your nervous system, and lessen your anxiety.
Social anxiety can become intensified by thoughts about worst-case scenarios of embarrassing yourself in social situations. Rather than getting caught up in thoughts of yourself stumbling through anticipated scenarios, practice asking yourself how you might cope effectively with the situation, and then practice imagining yourself navigating the situation successfully.
For example, if you worry that you might have trouble thinking about something to talk about at a party, you may get caught up in picturing yourself standing around tongue-tied and looking uncomfortable. Instead, try imagining yourself in the same scenario taking a pause and bringing up a prepared story or asking about the listener’s family or work; or visualize excusing yourself and regrouping with a few breaths before re-entering the situation with a calm body and a clear mind. Imagining and practicing yourself successfully navigating a social situation rather than envisioning yourself feeling overwhelmed or humiliated can help you curb anxious feelings about upcoming social interactions.
More Helpful Tips for Social Anxiety
I recently had the opportunity to join other mental health professionals from across the country in sharing some of our favorite information and tips about social anxiety and how to manage it more effectively for Woman’s World. See the full article for a more complete understanding of social anxiety and ideas for how to deal with social anxiety in the moment.
Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Treatment
If your anxiety about judgment or embarrassment in social situations is getting in your way or negatively impacting your relationships or your functioning at school, work, in your community, or in other important areas of your life, this could indicate the possibility of Social Anxiety Disorder. Fortunately, therapy to treat social anxiety may help you to live a happier, less-stressful life.
Contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if I may be able to help. I specialize in treating adults experiencing anxiety, stress, or burnout; or who have had traumatic experiences that may be impacting them in the present. I am certified in EMDR therapy and am licensed to provide telehealth therapy online to individuals in over 30 states across the U.S. In addition to treating anxiety, trauma and PTSD, I provide affirming LGBT therapy and neurodiversity affirming therapy, and therapy for parent burnout and caregiver burnout.
